i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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