I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
