he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
