I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
