there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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