Where is the hickey?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Damn victory sex feels great
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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