just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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