i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize
