There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
