3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
another moral hangover. fuck.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
