your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
farters have to be the big spoon...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
