Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
