i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
