when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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