You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
