so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
