I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
