I smell stomach acid.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
