so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
