Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
