How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
