Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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