Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
