Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
