Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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