So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
