I'm really into asian looking animals
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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