Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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