He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
