gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
