Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
