The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
