I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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