i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
