You work out of a Hotel?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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