All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
