Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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