I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
