you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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