some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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