I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
