I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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