i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I love having hate sex.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
