his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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