I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
