I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
