I wanna bring you to show and tell
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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