you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
