i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
