Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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